In epidemic-like fashion, women are continusouly addressing one another with offensive and sexist language. Allow me to recount for you a recent experience of mine:
"You f***ing slut,” my roommate (and best friend) said to me as she rounded the corner to our kitchen and saw me standing over the sink. Perhaps I have been spending too much time at the Feminist Majority Foundation, but for some reason my first response to her comment (which she has probably said to me a thousand times over the course of our friendship) was “Why?” Why does me, standing here, filling up my ice cube tray, make me a f***ing slut? I mean sure, maybe you have to wait a few extra seconds to wash that dirty dish in your hand while I use the faucet, but a “f***ing slut?” Isn’t that a little bit unnecessary?
In truth, it’s more than unnecessary. It’s inappropriate, degrading, and a reinforcement of the woman-as-harlot stereotype. Now, my roommate does not actually think I am a slut (at least to my knowledge she doesn’t). In reality she didn’t mean that comment any more than my teenage brother did when he called the broken DVD player “gay”, or muttered “retard” to his friend after he spilled ketchup on his shirt. Can I say that I was honestly offended by her faux-insult? No. Do I think every female should launch into an angry rant whenever she hears the word “bitch,” “slut,” or “ho” thrown around as though it were synonym for “woman”? Probably not (and, let’s be honest – if we were going to go down that path women wouldn’t have time to do anything but correct language offenders). But I do think that, as Americans, we should be aware of the culture our voices create. Perhaps we are not giving the power of our words enough credit.
I’m not trying to be a whiny feminist who can’t take a joke. And by no means am I immune to the “bitches ‘n hoes” mentality advanced by rap lyrics, sexist movies, and white frat boys who find the irony of adopting black cultural slang too funny to pass up. I’ve even been know to start a wall post or two with the endearing greeting, “what up biotch.” But at some point women have to recognize that as long as they call each other sluts and whores (or slores for that matter), they are giving men a free pass to do the same. While the comments are often empty and thoughtless, maybe even well intended or habitual, they nevertheless enable a culture in which women can be given negative labels merely because they are women.
The consequences of the casual use of such terms are twofold: 1) By calling a woman a slut, bitch, ho, etc. for no reason at all, the association between a woman’s behavior and the resulting label is eradicated. If a woman is in fact a prostitute, meaning that she sleeps with men for money, then she is, by definition, a whore. While I am not advocating the use of derogatory terms in any context, if you wanted to call this woman a whore, you would not, by Merriam-Webster’s standards, be incorrect. By calling your best friend who has not engaged in prostitution a whore, whether intentionally or not, you are changing the definition of the word from one that requires a decisive action on her part, to one that is applicable to a woman based on her mere existence. You have now not only removed a woman’s agency from the definition, but you have enabled a dialogue that supports the degradation of women regardless of what they think, say, or do.
Now, for those of you who are thinking, “I call my guy friends bitches all the time too, it’s not really an insult to women thing, it’s just how I talk,” I would suggest to you the second consequence of casual slut-term usage: 2) Such language is a reinforcement of the idea that to be gendered female is to be insulted. By using words that have historically, culturally, and institutionally been gendered as female (a bitch, a slut, a ho, a whore) to mock, insult, or even casually joke with these terms is to advance the notion that to be associated with the feminine is a negative thing. So, when my guy friend complains about the rain outside and I call him a “little bitch,” I am first implying that he is weak, and because he is weak he should be compared to a woman. Secondly, I am associating behavior that warrants mocking with terms that are expressly feminine, so I am using the feminine to insult. Consciously or not, I am further engaging a culture that disrespects women, even though the person I was insulting was a man!
A few years ago the Gay, Lesbian, and Straight Education Network (GLSEN) launched an awesome campaign called “ThinkB4YouSpeak,” that encourages students to refrain from using terms such as “fag” and “gay” as insults. Some of you may recall the memorable “That’s so gay” Hilary Duff commercial. (watch video here) While I recognize that a full on attack of language that is so culturally engrained as "bitches 'n hoes" is a rather impractical crusade, I think it would serve us all well to stop and think the next time we want to use the term "slut." What is it we're really saying?
Photo Credit: Fashionate on Flickr.com
"You f***ing slut,” my roommate (and best friend) said to me as she rounded the corner to our kitchen and saw me standing over the sink. Perhaps I have been spending too much time at the Feminist Majority Foundation, but for some reason my first response to her comment (which she has probably said to me a thousand times over the course of our friendship) was “Why?” Why does me, standing here, filling up my ice cube tray, make me a f***ing slut? I mean sure, maybe you have to wait a few extra seconds to wash that dirty dish in your hand while I use the faucet, but a “f***ing slut?” Isn’t that a little bit unnecessary?
In truth, it’s more than unnecessary. It’s inappropriate, degrading, and a reinforcement of the woman-as-harlot stereotype. Now, my roommate does not actually think I am a slut (at least to my knowledge she doesn’t). In reality she didn’t mean that comment any more than my teenage brother did when he called the broken DVD player “gay”, or muttered “retard” to his friend after he spilled ketchup on his shirt. Can I say that I was honestly offended by her faux-insult? No. Do I think every female should launch into an angry rant whenever she hears the word “bitch,” “slut,” or “ho” thrown around as though it were synonym for “woman”? Probably not (and, let’s be honest – if we were going to go down that path women wouldn’t have time to do anything but correct language offenders). But I do think that, as Americans, we should be aware of the culture our voices create. Perhaps we are not giving the power of our words enough credit.
I’m not trying to be a whiny feminist who can’t take a joke. And by no means am I immune to the “bitches ‘n hoes” mentality advanced by rap lyrics, sexist movies, and white frat boys who find the irony of adopting black cultural slang too funny to pass up. I’ve even been know to start a wall post or two with the endearing greeting, “what up biotch.” But at some point women have to recognize that as long as they call each other sluts and whores (or slores for that matter), they are giving men a free pass to do the same. While the comments are often empty and thoughtless, maybe even well intended or habitual, they nevertheless enable a culture in which women can be given negative labels merely because they are women.
The consequences of the casual use of such terms are twofold: 1) By calling a woman a slut, bitch, ho, etc. for no reason at all, the association between a woman’s behavior and the resulting label is eradicated. If a woman is in fact a prostitute, meaning that she sleeps with men for money, then she is, by definition, a whore. While I am not advocating the use of derogatory terms in any context, if you wanted to call this woman a whore, you would not, by Merriam-Webster’s standards, be incorrect. By calling your best friend who has not engaged in prostitution a whore, whether intentionally or not, you are changing the definition of the word from one that requires a decisive action on her part, to one that is applicable to a woman based on her mere existence. You have now not only removed a woman’s agency from the definition, but you have enabled a dialogue that supports the degradation of women regardless of what they think, say, or do.
Now, for those of you who are thinking, “I call my guy friends bitches all the time too, it’s not really an insult to women thing, it’s just how I talk,” I would suggest to you the second consequence of casual slut-term usage: 2) Such language is a reinforcement of the idea that to be gendered female is to be insulted. By using words that have historically, culturally, and institutionally been gendered as female (a bitch, a slut, a ho, a whore) to mock, insult, or even casually joke with these terms is to advance the notion that to be associated with the feminine is a negative thing. So, when my guy friend complains about the rain outside and I call him a “little bitch,” I am first implying that he is weak, and because he is weak he should be compared to a woman. Secondly, I am associating behavior that warrants mocking with terms that are expressly feminine, so I am using the feminine to insult. Consciously or not, I am further engaging a culture that disrespects women, even though the person I was insulting was a man!
A few years ago the Gay, Lesbian, and Straight Education Network (GLSEN) launched an awesome campaign called “ThinkB4YouSpeak,” that encourages students to refrain from using terms such as “fag” and “gay” as insults. Some of you may recall the memorable “That’s so gay” Hilary Duff commercial. (watch video here) While I recognize that a full on attack of language that is so culturally engrained as "bitches 'n hoes" is a rather impractical crusade, I think it would serve us all well to stop and think the next time we want to use the term "slut." What is it we're really saying?
Photo Credit: Fashionate on Flickr.com
