Let's Talk About Virginity

I've come across many posts on virginity lately, so it only seems right put in my two cent about VIRGINITY too. :)

Growing up Catholic (Sounds like a cool T.V. show.... lol maybe not.) I was taught that my virginity was very important in "finding a husband, getting married, and being respected as a woman." I was told that a woman was worth her purity/virginity. Thankfully I was not forced to have a purity ball, or wear a purity ring(and denied my right to make a decision about my own virginity.) In High School my view on virginity became conflicted because I was hearing more and more opinions on sex. I wasn't sure what to believe anymore, I remember thinking that God would be disappointed in me, if I had sex before I married.

During my questioning I was also realizing things about myself that would make waiting for marriage impossible. Like, what if I didn't want to get married? What if I was lesbian? (Would God accept me then? and if he/she did, I still couldn't marry legally. I still wouldn't be able to have sex.) I also wondered how sure we could be that the Bible was God's word, I mean the Bible was written by men, was it not? And since it was written by men, wasn't it possible that they could use God's word, to push their selfish desires to restrict and control women.

I noticed how HUGE this virginity thing was, and how our society seemed to differentiate women by it (virgin snobs/afraid of men or whores.) The media pushes sex at us anyway it can, and tells women that we have to be sexy at all times. My role in American society became very apparent, I was supposed to be over the top sexy (hair, nails, makeup, clothes, movements, tone of voice), I was to serve as a tool for male gratification, I was my body. I was already so confused and when I read an essay about making abstinence a feminist decision, I didn't know what to think.

Please forgive me the title of the essay has been lost in my memory forever, but the idea as basically this. Women were tricked during he sexual revolution into thinking that felt a certain "sexual freedom", but really were only serving men as a means for sex without strings attached. And I thought Hmm, How will I know if someone really cares about me if they aren't willing to wait? How will I know that I won’t just be a body? Maybe this was brainwashing, but it has some truth...I think. At the same time I think women were also having fun during the sexual liberation, so I don't think they were tricked.

This article (by Shelby Knox) responds to a similar idea,

"Sex is inevitable, even for those of us who pledged otherwise, so it seems far more proactive to challenge outdated and harmful notions about each gender's relationship to sex, not necessarily with sexual activity, but by educating both men and women toward positive, healthy expressions of sexuality that neither subjugate nor deny the humanity of either partner. The last thing anyone, male or female, needs on a college campus is a rancorous and harmful debate about the merits of sex or no sex. Instead, someone needs to start an open and honest discussion about sexual health and responsibility that encompasses everything from abstinence to contraception and personal fulfillment and pleasure"

Today my position on the whole virginity thing is this, wait until sex s not something your afraid of, wait until you understand that your having sex shouldn't disappoint anyone. Make sure that if you do have sex, whether its the first time or not, that you want to have sex just as much as your partner, this is to ensure that you don't feel used at the end of the day. And be safe.

Now that I've expressed my opinion on the whole virginity subject , I'd love to hear your views on virginity.

Photo Credit: Tatiana P. on Flickr

Two Teenagers After My Own Heart

I can't remember the last time I heard teenagers speaking out about anything beyond how much school sucks, classes are "sooo boring" and how their parents are ruining their lives.

So I was delighted to find this article on Cleveland.com. It seems myself and the other interns here at FMF aren't the only ones who believe abstinence-only education is along the lines of sex un-education.

Here, we've got two actual teenager students, Daniel Sparks, 17, and Jelena Loncar, 16, who voiced their dissatisfaction with the abstinence-only education program at Parma High School. The two presented their views to the 150 adults who attended the school board meeting on the night of February 22.

Some of my favorite parts:

Jelena quoted the district's abstinence-only-until-marriage sex education program, Operation Keepsake:

"I personally don't view men as predators or protectors. And I certainly don't view myself as a treasure or a target. I found it insulting and undermining that Operation Keepsake reduced me to a social stereotype."

And the brave Daniel told his audience, "Operation Keepsake has made me question education as a whole, for while they scared us into understanding what could go wrong, they afforded us no information on how things could go right."

He then asked how he, as a homosexual, is supposed to uphold the abstinence until marriage standard if his home state does not even grant him the right to marry. A bit risky, and bringing up a whole different issue. But still bold and beautiful, I say.

Superintendent Sarah Zatik, along with several parents in attendance, congratulated the students after their presentation. Ms. Zatik announced she would be resigning in July, but not before she forms a committee to "start the conversation" for comprehensive sex education.

These teens are truly ahead of the curve. Time to get the rest of their generation on board.

photo credit: msugovdocs at flickr

Ignorance Leads to Unsexy Consequences

Easy or prudish? Those are the two categories that any American is bound to be placed, should they live in Europe. Sad as it may be, when I was working in France, it wasn't a rare occurrence to be told statements like "American girls are afraid of sex, they are like nuns!" and "Rumor has it, Americans will have oral sex before having vaginal intercourse...French women won't do that!" all in the same week.

While neither "easy" nor "prudish" is a desired title, stereotypes don't exist in a vacuum and this image of Americans represents a lot about our culture. With the abstinence-only programs in curriculum's across the nation, students are educated about sexuality in terms of waiting, but are left in the dark when hormones inevitably kick in and tempt them to join the 95% Americans who have sex before marriage ( feministing.com/Guttmacher Institute.) Sure, these programs may create a more passionate, uncontrollable, "heat of the moment" feeling when youth first start experimenting with sexuality, but it's not giving them the information necessary to make decisions about their health.

That unpreparedness is starting to show. In fact, the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has just announced that America is "among the highest rates of STDs of any developed country in the world," linking a lack of comprehensive sex education as a main reason for our poor ranking.

Abstinence-only programs are not working. Out of any age group, it is young adults that are most affected: each year, almost 19 million newly sexually transmitted infections are found in 15-24 year olds!

Wrap your brain around these figures (brought to you by Reuters and the CDC):

* 1.2 million cases of chlamydia were reported in 2008, up from 1.1 million in 2007.

* Nearly 337,000 cases of gonorrhea were reported.

* Adolescent girls 15 to 19 years had the most chlamydia and gonorrhea cases of any age group at 409,531.

* Blacks, who represent 12 percent of the U.S. population, accounted for about 71 percent of reported gonorrhea cases and almost half of all chlamydia and syphilis cases in 2008.

* Black women 15 to 19 had the highest rates of chlamydia and gonorrhea.

* 13,500 syphilis cases were reported in 2008, an almost 18 percent increase from 2007.

* 63 percent of syphilis cases were among men who have sex with men.

* Syphilis rates among women increased 36 percent from 2007 to 2008.

Fired Up? Now go educate yourself! Speak to someone about your options and proper condom use! If you're part of a campus FMLA, take it to the next step by working with your regional campus organizer to arrange for a speaker to educate your campus! Take control of your sexual education to avoid becoming a statistic or culture stereotype!

photo credit: Alex_Morrice at photoshop.com

Ditch the candy, this Halloween sign yourself up for some good ol' fashion fear mongering!

Everyone has their own Halloween traditions. In his documentary Hell House, director/ producer George Radliff shows the not-so-common Halloween traditions of a town on the outskirts of Dallas, where the production of "Hell House" is annually held.

Hell House is a haunted house-style play focused on decisions that will exempt a person from the pearly gates. Teens and parents alike try out in large numbers, hoping to play "rave master" or"school shooting kid."

During Halloween season, "those who dare enter" watch a series of five-minute skits, showing what each character did to get in Hell. There's the boy who "chose the gay lifestyle" and became HIV positive; the woman who cheats on her abusive, alcoholic husband; the girl who took the abortion pill and died from blood loss, the boy who was so fed up with teasing that he commits suicide in front of his class and (can't forget this one!) the girl who goes to a rave, gets drugged and raped and commits suicide because of her guilt!

After seeing the characters tortured and burned in the final "Hell" scene, the audience is taken to calm room. Here, a person asks the group if they know where they would go if they were to die that night. Those who would like to go to heaven are offered entrance into a room where they can pray with church members.

This is where I sat on my couch, watching and thinking "WHAAAAAT! WAY TO BLAME THE VICTIM!"

This movie put things in the most disgusting terms: It's not the rapist who goes to hell, its the poor survivor. It's not the abuser or the mean students, it's the abused and the taunted.

It's time to identify this as what it is: fear mongering! They are showing extreme situations as scare tactics to sway their audience towards their unrealistic cause. To find out more about Hell House, rent it!

Cupcakes For Life

Sadly, the content of this post has been pulled from REAL websites. Check out the links below for a look into the anti-choice movement's "rationale"...

I don't know if you've heard, but October 9th is National Pro-Life Cupcake Day! Celebrate by bringing in cupcakes adorned with pro-life messages into your school!

Why cupcakes? Well, because everyone wants them! Bring a tray of cupcakes into class and serve them to people. When people ask, "Who's birthday is it?" (ignoring the pro-life messages on the food), you can stop them mid-bite and say, "It's no ones birthday. These cupcakes represent the 50,000,000 children who weren't allowed to be born, who never had a birthday." Assuming that your classmates aren't choking on their cupcakes with grief, you can add, "If you and I were aborted, we wouldn't have a birthday either." For an even better effect, hand out plastic fetuses!

Why should we do this? We need to do the work of God and be the voice of the unborn. When talking to kids, tell them that God loves them and wants them to have birthdays. Abortion means some kids don't get to have birthdays. It's as simple as that! If you're a mom, take some young teenage girls aside to talk about abortion and teach them about the merits of abstinence and pregnancy. It works!

And remember, if those nasty, sinful pro-choicers (more like, pro-abortionists! Thanks Abort73.com!) smash the cupcakes in your face, just wipe them off and do God's work elsewhere!

Photo courtesy of http://www.flickr.com/photos/bljfour/

Glee brings feminist sex positivity to TV

After watching the President's address to Congress last night (more on that to come), I tuned into some slightly lighter fare: the season premiere of Glee.

This was only the second episode ever, but I have to say I am digging this show. I'm a sucker for musicals, and while the show initially appeared to be a High School Musical rip-off when first advertised, it actually has a lot of dark humor and smart dialogue that make it anything but. Also, Jane Lynch, who pretty much pwns anything she ever does. One thing that is making my white privilege radar go off is the character Mercedes Jones, who seems to be stuck in some sassy black girl stereotypes, but I am hoping that they will develop her character and the rest of the supporting cast over the season.

Some slight spoilers ahead, so reader beware.

Last night's episode made me exceptionally happy with its sex positive message. Rachel, the talented outcast leading the glee club, joins the celibacy club in an attempt to win the affections of Finn, her fellow glee member. The activities of the club are played for some cheap laughs (which I enjoyed) until Rachel just can't take it anymore. She addresses the club with a kickass speech (I couldn't get a clip, so go to 21:47 to check it out)



Rachel: Did you know that most studies have demonstrated that celibacy doesn't work in high schools? Our hormones are driving us too crazy to abstain. The second we start telling ourselves that there's no room for compromise we act out. The only way to deal with teen sexuality is to be prepared. That's what contraception is for.

Quinn: Don't you dare mention the "C" word.

Rachel: You want to know a dirty little secret that none of them want you to know? Girls want sex just as much as guys do.

Boy: Is that accurate?

Contraception talk and an acknowledgment of female sexuality? Be still my feminist heart!

Sexy abstinence t-shirts

Bonnie sent me a link to this post on Sociological Images about some pro-abstinence shirts that say "I'm sexy enough to keep you waiting." The shirts are from the Candie's Foundation, an organization that is working to prevent teen pregnancies.

It seems to me that these shirts a little bit of a mixed message. If being abstinent is supposed to be sort of empowering because you have control of your body, why is the message focusing on the body and attractiveness instead of intelligence or other qualities? I mean, I was under the impression that waiting to have sex was something that had more to do with thought or personal morals rather than attractiveness.

Maybe the shirts should say something more like "It's my decision to wait for sex" or "I am fulfilled without having sex." If you gave me more time I could come up with something more catchy, I promise.

Also, there is really no in-depth discussion about birth control. Yes, we all know that abstinence is one way to not get pregnant, but we also know that abstinence-only education and knowledge is not actually helping reduce rates of unwanted pregnancy and transmission of STIs.
Photo Courtesy www.flickr/picturesofthings

Crisis of Deception: Fake Clinics Spread Misinformation on the Federal Dime

Katherine Spillar, Executive Vice President of Feminist Majority Foundation and Executive Editor of Ms. Magazine, has published a blog post on RHRealityCheck, a leading reproductive health and rights blog.

The posting, titled, "Crisis of Deception: Fake Clinics Spread Misinformation on the Federal Dime" is accompanied by a hard-hitting video, exposing what really goes on behind fake clinics' doors.

As the blog reads, "The flagrant deceit documented in the video accompanying this article will shock most people – regardless of their political persuasion."



Please read the blog, watch the video, tweet it and post it on your facebook pages! Anything you can do to get the word out!

We are at an absolutely crucial point: next week, the House Appropriations Labor Health and Human Services Committee will be considering whether to keep funding failed abstinence-only education programs and bogus crisis pregnancy centers, or whether to re-direct our tax dollars to scientifically-proven, evidence-based comprehensive sexual health education programs and services, as President Obama's proposed budget calls for.

Take action and make sure your voice is heard now!

Bristol Palin: "Learn from my example"

And what example would that be, Bristol? Is it that sex leads to babies, parenting is hard, or, as you have said, "abstinence is not realistic."

Making the rounds on morning TV, Bristol Palin spoke of the importance of abstinence as the newest Teen Ambassador for The Candie's Foundation, an organization that promotes abstinence-only and educates teens about the "devastating consequences of teen pregnancy."

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It would be easier to agree with Matt Lauer's assessment of "do as I say, not as I do" if I could actually follow what she is saying. "Teenagers of America, do not have sex. That is, of course, unless you do have sex at which point you should be sure to have safe sex. But never mind with the pesky details about how to actually practice safe sex. So let's just make this easier for everyone and blissfully ignore the old adage "knowledge is power" and keep it simple with 'just say no' and this festive tank top from The Candies Foundation. Good night and good luck (really, you'll need it)."

The funny thing about an abstinence-only message is, of course, that it is abstinence only and, therefore, will not teach young people about condoms and contraception EVEN IF THEY WANTED TO HAVE SAFE SEX. Don't you see the catch here, Bristol?

With increased rates of teen pregnancy, young people need, now more than ever, a comprehensive approach that includes a message of abstinence (indeed, Bristol, it is a full-proof method to avoiding an "accessory on your hip") but also medically accurate, fact based information about contraception and sexual health. They need the ability to make an informed choice. In short, they need to get REAL (literally).

Great Post on Comprehansive Sexuality Education

For an indepth look at the state of sexuality education in the US, check out Pam Chamberlain's post on RHRealityCheck entitled, "Abstaining from the Truth: Sex Education as Ideology."  

To get involved with FMF's nationwide demand to defund abstinence only programs and crisis pregnancy centers, visit www.feministcampus.org.  

Join FMF's campaign to Expose Fake Clinics and STOP Abstinence Only Funding, sign the petition, take action on campus!