Thursday, June 24, 2010

Let's Talk About Virginity

I've come across many posts on virginity lately, so it only seems right put in my two cent about VIRGINITY too. :)

Growing up Catholic (Sounds like a cool T.V. show.... lol maybe not.) I was taught that my virginity was very important in "finding a husband, getting married, and being respected as a woman." I was told that a woman was worth her purity/virginity. Thankfully I was not forced to have a purity ball, or wear a purity ring(and denied my right to make a decision about my own virginity.) In High School my view on virginity became conflicted because I was hearing more and more opinions on sex. I wasn't sure what to believe anymore, I remember thinking that God would be disappointed in me, if I had sex before I married.

During my questioning I was also realizing things about myself that would make waiting for marriage impossible. Like, what if I didn't want to get married? What if I was lesbian? (Would God accept me then? and if he/she did, I still couldn't marry legally. I still wouldn't be able to have sex.) I also wondered how sure we could be that the Bible was God's word, I mean the Bible was written by men, was it not? And since it was written by men, wasn't it possible that they could use God's word, to push their selfish desires to restrict and control women.

I noticed how HUGE this virginity thing was, and how our society seemed to differentiate women by it (virgin snobs/afraid of men or whores.) The media pushes sex at us anyway it can, and tells women that we have to be sexy at all times. My role in American society became very apparent, I was supposed to be over the top sexy (hair, nails, makeup, clothes, movements, tone of voice), I was to serve as a tool for male gratification, I was my body. I was already so confused and when I read an essay about making abstinence a feminist decision, I didn't know what to think.

Please forgive me the title of the essay has been lost in my memory forever, but the idea as basically this. Women were tricked during he sexual revolution into thinking that felt a certain "sexual freedom", but really were only serving men as a means for sex without strings attached. And I thought Hmm, How will I know if someone really cares about me if they aren't willing to wait? How will I know that I won’t just be a body? Maybe this was brainwashing, but it has some truth...I think. At the same time I think women were also having fun during the sexual liberation, so I don't think they were tricked.

This article (by Shelby Knox) responds to a similar idea,

"Sex is inevitable, even for those of us who pledged otherwise, so it seems far more proactive to challenge outdated and harmful notions about each gender's relationship to sex, not necessarily with sexual activity, but by educating both men and women toward positive, healthy expressions of sexuality that neither subjugate nor deny the humanity of either partner. The last thing anyone, male or female, needs on a college campus is a rancorous and harmful debate about the merits of sex or no sex. Instead, someone needs to start an open and honest discussion about sexual health and responsibility that encompasses everything from abstinence to contraception and personal fulfillment and pleasure"

Today my position on the whole virginity thing is this, wait until sex s not something your afraid of, wait until you understand that your having sex shouldn't disappoint anyone. Make sure that if you do have sex, whether its the first time or not, that you want to have sex just as much as your partner, this is to ensure that you don't feel used at the end of the day. And be safe.

Now that I've expressed my opinion on the whole virginity subject , I'd love to hear your views on virginity.



Photo Credit: Tatiana P. on Flickr

2 comments:

Amanda L said...

I think this article fits in well: http://www.feministing.com/archives/021546.html#comments in the sense that maybe it is necessary to re-define "virginity" as achieving orgasm. This would change the act of sex as something based on mutual fulfillment and pleasure.

mizztcasa said...

great advice. i questioned my faith and sexuality too. now i'm spiritual (not religious) and queer...and still a 'virgin'. the whole concept of virginity should be reconceptualized for sure...and women should have choice about whether or not they want to wait or not and under what circumstances.

@Amanda - i don't know if reaching an orgasm should be a requirement though since some individuals don't reach orgasm often or ever.